This is a movie which showcase the entire story based on narration and conversation. This is an interesting way of portraying a story as more often than not, we hear stories through the word of mouth. This is relatable to the audience as we could know a story from another person's perspective. However, the word of mouth is not always true and usually it will be altered when it is passed around. The actual story might be amplified or condensed depending on the individual. Towards the end of the movie, the main characters, Ellen and Mickey appeared in the dining restaurant. The scene showed that the couple reminisce about their relationship to the group of friends. This made me realized that we could always listen to what other people say but do not believe everything that one says. In order to know the most accurate version of the story, it is best to always go back to the original source and clarify from the original source (note: sometimes original source might not be entirely accurate too as memory is amendable). This made me realize that we should not blindly believe what is shown to us, instead we have to do our own research and homework to ensure the reliability of the information.
Compromising is the key in couplehood:
Love requires the willingness to sacrifice and compromise for one another. When two person got together, it means two lives have merged and certain adjustments need to be made in order for two person to live together harmoniously. Of course, there will be many discrepancies in the beginning, but this does not mean that it is a bad relationship. Nevertheless, the act of compromising which comprise of adapting and sacrificing, might cause anxiety and depression (Lin, Lin, & Chen, 2016). Thus, it is important to manage adaptability in romantic relationship properly in order to secure a healthy affinity.
When Ellen gave up her job in Paris and went to Mickey's place to be with him, they made a brief deal regarding minor issues in life. For example, they decided on the way to squeeze toothpaste out of the tube and to open or shut the window in their bedroom. By agreeing with each other's way of living, a quick deal was made and they decided to get married. This decision is made very quickly and simply with only considering the basic aspects of life. In this part of the movie, the couple, Ellen and Mickey, seems to be focusing on the wrong aspects in making decision to live together. Living together does not only requires adaptation and compromising to one another's daily lifestyle, it is also to compromise on major life decisions such as religion, living with family, number of children, and location to settle down.
Conflict will always exist in interpersonal relationships (Lin, Lin, & Chen, 2016), hence it is important to be equipped with skills to handle conflict effectively. As mentioned in 'A Lecture on Couplehood' by Dr. Goh, one of the key of being together as a couple is to communicate, communicate, and communicate. This is because the enemy of all partnership is assumption. Don't assume that your partner's thought will be the same as yours. When in doubt, clarify.
Having conflict in a relationship will not only affect the person's productivity and performance in work, but also disturbs the quality of the relationship (Lin, Lin, & Chen, 2016). The examples as shown in the movie are 1) when Ellen gave up her high position job in Paris for Mickey, she was not happy and was living under stress from work; this affected her job and well-being. Moreover, 2) when Mickey sacrificed his referee job for Ellen and work as a automobile retailer, he loses passion in life and was living meaninglessly every day. When compromises are made, the best way is for it to be an adjustment made by the both parties but not merely single-sided sacrifices. This way, it is foreseen that one party will be over the moon while the other will be all depressed and demotivated.
It is shown in prior researches that one of the most useful method to resolve conflicts is by compromising (Lin, Lin, & Chen, 2016). In a compromising conflict management style, both sides will have to acknowledge and select a reasonable method for each other (Rahim, 2002; van de Vliert & Hordijk, 1989, as cited in Lin, Lin, & Chen, 2016.
There are two simple dimensions which is applicable to handle different types of conflicts (Lin, Lin, & Chen, 2016):
1. Concern for the self
2. Concern for others
With these dimensions, it is also understood that in managing conflicts with partner, it is important to consider both the factors regarding self and others. It does not work when one only thinks for themselves, this is a selfish behavior. A relationship that is egocentric and self-centered is an unhappy connection. This is because both parties want to excel in their own field without thinking about another; analogically, it is if wings are hitting one another instead of flapping together to fly.
Low quality relationships will indeed affect the well-being of an individual. The outcome of being in an dissatisfying relationship is too heavy to bear. Therefore, it is important for couples to be supportive and collaborative in all aspects of life in order to ensure a high quality relationship.
Remember this line from the movie? (giggles)
Andy: "Marriages don't work when one partner is happy and the other is miserable. Marriage is about both people being equally miserable."
Well, jokes aside, let's correct the last word from the sentence above to be 'joyful'.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
References:
Lin, W., Lin, Y., Huang, C., & Chen, L. (2016). We can make it better: 'We' moderates the relationship between a compromising style in interpersonal conflict and well-being. Journal of Happiness Studies, 17(1), 41-57.
No comments:
Post a Comment