Whale Rider 2002

Do you believe in destiny?

I believe that everyone has something planned for them, this is known as 'destiny'. In the movie, Paikea is a determined girl who struggles to fulfill her destiny in which her grandfather, Koro denies. Paikea is a Maori; Maori has a strong culture, such as greeting with the touch of nose and forehead, yet also includes strong gender stereotype culture as the practice masculine preference in Maori tribe. It is portrayed in the movie that girls and women should not perform the sacred moves and could not be the chief of Maori. However, the males who were given opportunity to lead in the movie does not seem to be interested in becoming the chief. The only one who feels and understand Koro's idea the most is Paikea, but she was not given the chance.

Due to the fact that Paikea is a girl, Koro has a love-hate relationship towards her. In social psychology, this love-hate relationship is also known as dual attitude. Dual attitudes are explained as dissimilar interpretation of a subject with the same characteristic: it as an implicit attitude versus an explicit attitude (Wilson, Lindsey, & Schooler, 2000). In layman term, it is observed that on one hand A loves B, but on the other hand A do not. More often than not, parents are resentful towards their children despite loving them. This is because even though the children brought happiness to the family, the children are also the ones who caused the lost of freedom to the parents.

There are four types of dual attitudes: 1) repression, 2) independent systems, 3) motivated overriding, and 4) automatic overriding (Wilson, Lindsey, & Schooler, 2000).

1) Repression is the type of dual attitude that results from holding it down, where an attitude is controlled to be out of consciousness because it is could cause anxiety.
2)  Independent system is another type of dual attitude where a person have an unconscious implicit attitude and an conscious explicit attitude towards a subject.
3) Motivated overriding is the next type of dual attitude in which people are totally conscious of their implicit attitude and take it as something that they do not want and are encouraged to replace it with a different attitude.
4) Automatic overriding is when the replace of attitude process is automatic.
(Wilson, Lindsey, & Schooler, 2000)

Examples of dual attitudes from the movie:

1. The occurrence of dual attitudes is obvious in Koro because on one hand he hates her for being a female in the family in which she could not pass down the generation and culture line but on the other hand he loves Paikea as his granddaughter. This can be seen from the line "My grandfather wished I was never born, but he changed his mind". Paikea is so precious to Koro, but sometimes his resentment comes out (automatic overriding). It is portrayed in the movie that the way Koro shows his love to Paikea is by fetching her back from school everyday and by taking her on a bicycle ride.
   
2. Porourangi loves his father, Koro. He even feels the weight of his father's burden, but he needs to get away from the expectation and shadow of his father. Here is where his dual attitudes towards his father can be seen. He is using avoidance coping mechanism to get away from the situation. At the same time, he tries to help Maori tribe by showcasing to the world Maori's arts, crafts, and culture. Koro, on the other hand, does not see his effort and insulted Porourangi for being an artist by saying "This is not work, this is souvenirs".

In Dual Attitudes Model, it is predicted that an individual will first adopt an implicit attitude before explicit ones (Wilson, Lindsey, & Schooler, 2000). In this movie, Koro's implicit attitude towards Paikea is resentful as he thinks she is not capable and not worth as becoming the chief. Only later Koro has an explicit attitude towards Paikea since she is the light of the family and a good accompany/granddaughter to Koro. 

The movie ends with Koro's realization of Paikea having the quality of a chief when she could retrieve his whale tooth from the underwater and when she could move the whale back to the sea. Through this movie, we understand that pre-exisiting thoughts might not be necessarily true. When there is dual attitudes towards a subject, carefully evaluate the underlying reasons for such attitudes. This will not only help improve the situation, but could also positively impact on ourselves. 

References:
Wilson, T. D., Lindsey, S., & Schooler, T. Y. (2000). A model of dual attitudes. Psychological Review, 107(1), 101-126. doi: 10.1037//0033-295X.107.1.101

Forget Paris 1995

Film Presentation Style:

This is a movie which showcase the entire story based on narration and conversation. This is an interesting way of portraying a story as more often than not, we hear stories through the word of mouth. This is relatable to the audience as we could know a story from another person's perspective. However, the word of mouth is not always true and usually it will be altered when it is passed around. The actual story might be amplified or condensed depending on the individual. Towards the end of the movie, the main characters, Ellen and Mickey appeared in the dining restaurant. The scene showed that the couple reminisce about their relationship to the group of friends. This made me realized that we could always listen to what other people say but do not believe everything that one says. In order to know the most accurate version of the story, it is best to always go back to the original source and clarify from the original source (note: sometimes original source might not be entirely accurate too as memory is amendable). This made me realize that we should not blindly believe what is shown to us, instead we have to do our own research and homework to ensure the reliability of the information.

Compromising is the key in couplehood:

Love requires the willingness to sacrifice and compromise for one another. When two person got together, it means two lives have merged and certain adjustments need to be made in order for two person to live together harmoniously. Of course, there will be many discrepancies in the beginning, but this does not mean that it is a bad relationship. Nevertheless, the act of compromising which comprise of adapting and sacrificing, might cause anxiety and depression (Lin, Lin, & Chen, 2016). Thus, it is important to manage adaptability in romantic relationship properly in order to secure a healthy affinity.

When Ellen gave up her job in Paris and went to Mickey's place to be with him, they made a brief deal regarding minor issues in life. For example, they decided on the way to squeeze toothpaste out of the tube and to open or shut the window in their bedroom. By agreeing with each other's way of living, a quick deal was made and they decided to get married. This decision is made very quickly and simply with only considering the basic aspects of life. In this part of the movie, the couple, Ellen and Mickey, seems to be focusing on the wrong aspects in making decision to live together. Living together does not only requires adaptation and compromising to one another's daily lifestyle, it is also to compromise on major life decisions such as religion, living with family, number of children, and location to settle down.

Conflict will always exist in interpersonal relationships (Lin, Lin, & Chen, 2016), hence it is important to be equipped with skills to handle conflict effectively. As mentioned in 'A Lecture on Couplehood' by Dr. Goh, one of the key of being together as a couple is to communicate, communicate, and communicate. This is because the enemy of all partnership is assumption. Don't assume that your partner's thought will be the same as yours. When in doubt, clarify.

Having conflict in a relationship will not only affect the person's productivity and performance in work, but also disturbs the quality of the relationship (Lin, Lin, & Chen, 2016). The examples as shown in the movie are 1) when Ellen gave up her high position job in Paris for Mickey, she was not happy and was living under stress from work; this affected her job and well-being. Moreover, 2) when Mickey sacrificed his referee job for Ellen and work as a automobile retailer, he loses passion in life and was living meaninglessly every day. When compromises are made, the best way is for it to be an adjustment made by the both parties but not merely single-sided sacrifices. This way, it is foreseen that one party will be over the moon while the other will be all depressed and demotivated.
It is shown in prior researches that one of the most useful method to resolve conflicts is by compromising (Lin, Lin, & Chen, 2016). In a compromising conflict management style, both sides will have to acknowledge and select a reasonable method for each other (Rahim, 2002; van de Vliert & Hordijk, 1989, as cited in Lin, Lin, & Chen, 2016.

There are two simple dimensions which is applicable to handle different types of conflicts (Lin, Lin, & Chen, 2016):
1. Concern for the self
2. Concern for others

With these dimensions, it is also understood that in managing conflicts with partner, it is important to consider both the factors regarding self and others. It does not work when one only thinks for themselves, this is a selfish behavior. A relationship that is egocentric and self-centered is an unhappy connection. This is because both parties want to excel in their own field without thinking about another; analogically, it is if wings are hitting one another instead of flapping together to fly.

Low quality relationships will indeed affect the well-being of an individual. The outcome of being in an dissatisfying relationship is too heavy to bear. Therefore, it is important for couples to be supportive and collaborative in all aspects of life in order to ensure a high quality relationship.

Remember this line from the movie? (giggles)
Andy: "Marriages don't work when one partner is happy and the other is miserable. Marriage is about both people being equally miserable."

Well, jokes aside, let's correct the last word from the sentence above to be 'joyful'.

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References:
Lin, W., Lin, Y., Huang, C., & Chen, L. (2016). We can make it better: 'We' moderates the relationship between a compromising style in interpersonal conflict and well-being. Journal of Happiness Studies, 17(1), 41-57.

Strictly Ballroom 1992

Some people only wants to be with you when you are glorious, whereas some people is willing to stick with you through ups and downs. The main character, Scott Hastings, has his original ballroom dancing partner known as Liz. When Scott started dancing his "own steps", Liz felt embarrassed and wished for another dancing partner.

Side note: It is rather hilarious that Liz's wish just came true when Liz said "What do I want? I'll tell you what I want! I want Ken Railings to walk in here right now, and say 'Pam Shortt's broken both her legs, and I wanna dance with you!" After saying this, what she wished really happened. And it is unrealistic in real world settings. This is workable to be inserted in a comedy movie, however it might make no sense to the audience and leave the audience feeling weird.

Fran, on the other hand, stayed by Scott even though she has been many times abandoned by him. She accepted Scott for who he is, embraced his uniqueness, and encouraged him to do what he is passionate in. From a psychology perspective, this is known as Unconditional Positive Regard, a Carl Roger's concept from his humanistic psychology approach. Unconditional Positive Regard is when one truly takes in and likes another for what he or she is; one will not abandon another even when the person has done something wrong and unacceptable (McLeod, 2014).

Liz can be explained to have Conditional Positive Regard, where she only loves Scott when he does things right and when he is widely praised by public. If Scott were to capture Liz's attention and love, it would be rather torturing to Scott as he has to behave in a certain way that pleases Liz. Unfortunately, this could be seen in households nowadays where children is panicking to please their parents. This will cause the children to be constantly pleasing and seeking for approval from their parents (McLeod, 2014). In the long run, this unhealthy mindset and behavior can even be problematic and severe as the children learn to do things only in favor of others. This could led to behavioral problems in future relationships and workplace. Additionally, children as such could also have issues such as low self-esteem, low confident, and lacking of interest in oneself. There is possibility that this child-raring practice could led to psychopathic behaviors.

Moreover, Carl Roger mentioned that the development of congruence is dependent on unconditional positive regard (McLeod, 2014).

People who has congruence development has higher possibility of being self-actualized. Our feelings, experiences, and behaviours are in-line with how we see ourselves (self-image). Ideal-self, on the other hand is how we want ourselves to be. 

Both self-image and ideal-self should be closely related to one another in order for us to feel worthy. If this condition is not met, a person is known to be in a state of incongruence. This could led to problems such as denied or distorted perception towards self. When this happens, one might use defense mechanism to feel better and thus suppress unfavorable feelings. This could negatively impact one's mental well-being. Therefore, being educated Unconditional Positive Regards by Carl Rogers, we should avoid treating people with conditions to prevent things as such to occur to others. Also, when others treat us with conditional positive regard, know that this person is not someone worth pleasing and try to properly withdraw from this relationship for the sake of our own mental health. 

References

McLeod, S. A. (2014). Carl Rogers. Retrieved from www.simplypsychology.org/carl-rogers.html